Engenhêiros…

The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

– – –
A lawyer, an investment banker, and an EE were at the bar and the topic of wives and mistresses came up. The lawyer was the first to comment.

“I handled this a long time ago with a prenup. We both do our own thing, but I’m still careful to ensure the wife never finds out.”

The investment banker responded next. Careful portfolio management has enabled me to set up two households. Both think I work extensive hours and travel a lot so neither is aware of the other.”

The EE responded last. “Well I’ve frankly never had a problem with this.” The lawyer and the banker were incredulous. The lawyer queried, “You mean they both know about each other?”

“Sure, the EE responded. When I’m not with the wife she thinks I’m with the mistress and when I’m not with the mistress, she thinks I’m with the wife . . . WHEN I’M REALLY WORKING IN THE LAB!”

– – – –

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground. You are between 42 and 44 degrees north latitude and between 83 and 85 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the man, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below responded, “You must be a manager.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

– – – –
A minha preferida:

An engineer and a mathematician were arguing about which was smarter. They were given a test. A room was found with doors on opposite sides. One person was put at each door. In the center of the room they placed a beautiful girl, scantily clothed. The engineer and mathematician were told that each minute they could go one half the distance to the girl, and the one that got there first could have her. The mathematician thought a minute and said I give up, you can never get there. The engineer said, You are right, but I can get close enough.

– – –